Five Relationship Tune-Up Tips: Lessons Learned from Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods confession today is a reminder that celebrities are people too. Most people think that cheating and affairs happen to other people, but I am sure Elin Woods felt the same way until now. Most people do not know that 60% of men and 40% of women cheat, but there are steps you can take to minimize the risk of an affair from affecting your relationship.

Hollywood to golf courses, cheating will continue to occur and those involved will forever be changed. The questions many people ask: why would such a famous man with a beautiful family risk his reputation for occasional sexual encounters? The answer is not as black and white as it may seem to most people. However, there are a few lessons that we can all learn from Tiger Woods “transgressions” with Jaimee Grubbs.

One lesson is whether you are a celebrity or an ordinary person, you will eventually get discovered. Many people try hard to cover up their affairs, however, people get comfortable in their affair and they will eventually slip up and “create an opportunity” to be found out. Another thing that can be learned from Tiger Woods is reexamining where your relationship is today to prevent future hurt and betrayal in your relationship.

THESE ARE THE TOP RISKS FOR AN AFFAIR TO HAPPEN IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP:

1) YOU DO NOT FEEL YOUR SPOUSE UNDERSTANDS YOU.

2) THERE IS A LACK OF AFFECTION – SEXUAL AND NON-SEXUAL.

3) YOU FEEL EMOTIONALLY DISCONNECTED FROM YOUR SPOUSE.

4) YOU ARE MORE LIKE ROOMMATES, HAVE COMPLETELY SEPARATE LIVES.


5) YOU DISCUSS MARITAL CHALLENGES WITH SOMEONE OTHER THEN YOUR SPOUSE (IN PARTICULAR THE OPPOSITE SEX).

If you selected at least two of the five, you are at risk for an affair damaging your relationship. Many times we work very hard on maintaining our physical appearances or our positions in our jobs. How about maintaining your marriage? If you have discovered that your relationship is at risk, call a marriage counselor today.

More Marriage Tips on How to Survive Infidelity, Strengthen your Marriage, Keep your Marriage a Priority with Kids, and more.

NOTE: You can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the author's contact information below intact.

About the Author: Janie Lacy, MS provides counseling in the Orlando area and has a passion to reach out and help people grow and mature through difficult life situations. She has arelational approach and a unique ability to connect with individuals. Drawing upon her broad range of experience in private practice, not-for-profit organizations, hospitality and the medical industry, she has helped countless people in many arenas of life. She offers keen insight on all aspects of relationships – family, marriage, parenting, dating, and personal growth. Visit herwebpage to learn more about her or for more counseling and coaching resources go to Total Life Counseling Center's site.

4 Tips to Thrive Through the Holidays

If you are like most people, when you see the holiday displays around Halloween, you ask yourself, is it that time already? Holidays can be met with mixed emotions, the joy of the season and the feelings of being overwhelmed. How would you like to not only survive the holidays but also actually enjoy them this year? By following the 4 practical tips below, you will be well on your way! Also, watch the Fox 35 Orlando News Interview with author Janie Lacy, MS.

1. Lower your expectations. Much of the frustration people experience from the holidays is setting their expectations too high. They expect too much from friends or family, and when they don’t get what they want, they get frustrated.

2. Take time for yourself. Be sure that no matter how busy you get, that you take time for yourself. Many people rush through the holidays with their to do list. Take a long walk, listen to some holiday music or enjoy a long bath to give yourself some much-needed relaxation time.

3. Stay out of debt. Debt steals people’s enjoyment through the holidays knowing that when the holidays are over; they still have to pay for it. Make a list ahead of time, set spending limits within your budget and remember, your PRESENCE with your family is more important than your PRESENTS.

4. Enjoy what you can. Go with an attitude of knowing that things will be what they will be. You can’t control other people or their actions. Try to embrace their uniqueness and make fun memories.

When the New Year has arrived, what will be those holiday memories? Will you be glad it is over or will you reflect on the joyous occasion? You can be proactive starting now! Happy Holidays!

NOTE: You can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the author's contact information below intact.

About the Author: Janie Lacy, MS provides counseling in the Orlando area and has a passion to reach out and help people grow and mature through difficult life situations. She has a relational approach and a unique ability to connect with individuals. Drawing upon her broad range of experience in private practice, not-for-profit organizations, hospitality and the medical industry, she has helped countless people in many arenas of life. She offers keen insight on all aspects of relationships – family, marriage, parenting, dating, and personal growth. Visit her webpage to learn more about her or for more counseling and coaching resources go to Total Life Counseling Center's site.

Tips on How to Stay Mentally Healthy in an Unstable Economy

After the recent shootings in downtown Orlando and Texas, people are left wondering are we really safe anymore? The recent economic downturn has caused many people to lose their jobs, homes, and financial security. Jason Rodriquez is a recent example of someone who was unable to stay mentally healthy and took out his frustration on others.

With so much loss and worry, it is no wonder we are seeing more violence all around us. Mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, and bi-polar condition are increasing and causing great instability in US citizens all over. How can people avoid becoming unstable when so many difficult circumstances arise?

10 Tips to staying emotionally healthy

1. Stay connected to family and friends
2. Find spiritual support
3. Prayer and meditation
4. Exercise
5. Recreate and have fun
6. Journal what you are feeling
7. Get proper rest
8. Maintain a healthy diet
9. Avoid stimulants such as caffeine, nicotine and sugar
10. See a mental health counselor


NOTE: you can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the authors contact information below intact. About the Author: Debbie Haughton, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern. Debbie Haughton has performed career assessments & coaching for students and professionals. She has counseled clients ranging in age from young adolescents to mature baby boomers and from many different walks of life. Her ability to relate well to the wide range of individuals comes from her caring and compassionate personality, her true desire to help others, her 20+ years as a parent and wife and the variety of professional endeavors she has pursued. Throughout her career, she has worked in sales, television broadcasting, advocacy for the handicapped, advertising, teaching children’s music performance, music and event production and counseling. Total Life Counseling Center uses FDA approved supplements and dietary changes along with therapeutic interventions, family education and support, social skills groups, leadership camps and more to assist families. Access more complimentary counseling and coaching resources from The Total Life Counseling Center (407.248.0030) by visiting their extensive posting of blogs and special reports designed to save you time by strategically solving problems at the below links:

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10 Warning Signs of Mental Instability in the Workplace

With the recent shootings in Downtown Orlando by Jason Rodriquez, many people find it hard to go to work without being paranoid something similar might happen to them. Many people are left wondering how they could avoid the same kind of danger. Are there ways to prevent this kind of violence in the workplace?
Not every incident of violence in the workplace can be prevented but there are some warning signs to look for if a person is mentally ill.

10 Warning Signs of Mental Instability

1. Paranoia
2. Extreme Jealousy
3. Fascination with violence
4. Depression
5. Addiction to alcohol, illegal drugs and legal drugs
6. Are extreme loners
7. Exhibit extreme mood swings
8. Emotionally unstable
9. Been violent in the past
10. Explosive anger problems

If you spot three or more of these traits in a person you might want to telling your employer or human resources department. Your employer or human resources department can interview other employees to corroborate your story and then recommend counseling for the employee through an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) or mental health counselor. The counselor could then determine if the employee should be be hospitalized under the Baker Act. The Baker Act is Florida’s involuntary treatment law. It can be enforced by judges, law enforcement officials, mental health counselors, and physicians. If you spot someone who you feel might be mentally ill you can call a mental health professional or 911 and report them so they can get help.

They would be taken to a mental health facility for an evaluation by a professional to determine if they are indeed mentally ill and could be a danger to themselves or others. Once they are evaluated and diagnosed as mentally ill, they will receive treatment and care so they don’t become a danger to themselves or others.

NOTE: you can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the authors contact information below intact. About the Author: Debbie Haughton, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern. Debbie Haughton has performed career assessments & coaching for students and professionals. She has counseled clients ranging in age from young adolescents to mature baby boomers and from many different walks of life. Her ability to relate well to the wide range of individuals comes from her caring and compassionate personality, her true desire to help others, her 20+ years as a parent and wife and the variety of professional endeavors she has pursued. Throughout her career, she has worked in sales, television broadcasting, advocacy for the handicapped, advertising, teaching children’s music performance, music and event production and counseling. Total Life Counseling Center uses FDA approved supplements and dietary changes along with therapeutic interventions, family education and support, social skills groups, leadership camps and more to assist families. Access more complimentary counseling and coaching resources from The Total Life Counseling Center (407.248.0030) by visiting their extensive posting of blogs and special reports designed to save you time by strategically solving problems at the below links:

Our Blogs
Our Total Life Counseling Site

Four Signs to Prevent Workplace Violence - Nidal Hasan

This week our country and specifically, many families have experienced tragedies as a result of workplace violence that will change their lives forever. Major Nidal Malik Hasan is alleged to have murdered 13 fellow military personnel and wounded 30 more at Fort Hood Thursday. There are reports that red flags were apparent in Major Nidal Hasan’s behavior and performance.

The day after the Fort Hood massacres, a man named Jason Rodriquez shot and killed a co-worker and wounded five others at an engineering firm in Orlando, Florida. The reoccurring questions that are being asked is if he just snapped or were there warning signs? In most workplace violence, there are common signs preceding the horrific events.

Below are four common warning signs that are often overlooked:

1. Overreaction to criticism and resistance to changes in procedures.

2. Anger that is directed at co-workers and/or the company, which seems stronger or more intense than the situation seems to call for.

3. Obsession about co-workers or company policies. This can also include repeated violations of company policies.

4. Bullying others to do things a certain way or possible threats to supervisors directly or indirectly.

These signs can be very subtle or very obvious to those around the individual. In many post-incident investigations, employees and co-workers often stated that they observed one or more of these symptoms but considered them insignificant or just "weird" behavior. Report these signs to your human resources department or employer.

If you struggle with any of these symptoms or know any one that does, there are many resources available to assist you or your company in preventing workplace violence. Total Life Counseling offers a monthly Eight-hour Anger Management Workshop to the community. Individuals learn how to manage their own emotions along with how to deal with difficult or disgruntled individuals in their personal or work life.

Resources:

CNN Video on Workplace Violence

8 Hour Anger Management Workshop

NOTE: You can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the author's contact information below intact.

About the Author: Janie Lacy, MS provides counseling in the Orlando area and has a passion to reach out and help people grow and mature through difficult life situations. She has a relational approach and a unique ability to connect with individuals. Drawing upon her broad range of experience in private practice, not-for-profit organizations, hospitality and the medical industry, she has helped countless people in many arenas of life. She offers keen insight on all aspects of relationships – family, marriage, parenting, dating, and personal growth. Visit her webpage to learn more about her or for more counseling and coaching resources go to Total Life Counseling Center's site.

Parenting the Difficult Defiant Child: The 4 Avoidable "T's"

*'!#$ you mom said Anthony at the restaurant with his family. Jackie, his mother responds "Don't you talk to me like that and if you say that one more time I will slap you!" I knew when Jackie was telling me this story what Anthony was going to do. Anthony cursed again and Jackie in a moment of temporary insanity slapped Anthony, her 14 year old son in front of the entire restaurant. She was fortunate no one reported her! This article is to help you to prevent these periods of "temporary insanity."

Jim West on the Fox News Interview on the 4 Avoidable "T's":

Below are a few tips I gave Jackie and other families.

1. Triggers: Knowing what the triggers and avoiding them is helpful to reduce explosive outbursts. Saying "No" before validating the child's wants or feelings is the ultimate trigger. It's important to have a structure in place, set times for getting up, going to school, starting homework, dinner time, and bedtime. Once this is established then you use questions to lead the child to the solution.
Example:
Child: "Mom can I stay up late and watch the rest of this movie?"
Mom: "I can see why you would like to stay up late as I know how much you like this movie." Pause
Child: "This movie is awesome!"
Mom: "I know I like the movie too, but what time is it?"
Child: "9 o'clock"
Mom: "What time is bedtime?"
Child: "9 o'clock, but I want to watch my show!"
Mom: "I know how much you love this movie but what time is it?"
Child: "Bedtime"
Mom: Feel the way your child feels when saying this next line. "I know and I'm sorry for how you feel and I appreciate your obedience."

2. Threats - "If you say that one more time!" or "You will go to your room right now!" Threats like these are tough to WIN because all the child has to do is say again whatever it is you do not want them to say and in their mind they WIN & you LOSE. When making threats like these the one with the most energy wins.

3. Temporary Insanity - Emotions (Right Brain) & Logic or Reason (Left Brain) do not usually work well together. In other words if Emotions are high (temporary insanity) then the brains ability to use Reason & Logic are low. If Emotions are low then the ability to use Reason & Logic is High. Allowing time to calm down the emotions is important before we can have meaningful discussions. Sentencing (giving consequences) the child during intense emotion will escalate the child as well. Misery also loves company so if your child is upset they want to bring you into their misery! So Validate their feelings:
Parent: "I can see your are frustrated" and pause.
Student: "Yes I am because I hate going to bed at 9pm!"
Parent: "I can see why you are frustrated because you love to stay up later."
Student: "Yes, so why don't you let me stay up later?"
Parent: (do not get caught up in explaining something you have explained before, your child knows the answer) "I can see how that would be nice for you, but we all need plenty of rest."

4. Tone - If you escalate your tone and lose your cool then the child feels they WIN emotionally because they made you join them in their misery. So as hard as it is you need to use a quiet tone. Often children or teens will calm down or stop yelling so they can hear what you have to say. Also, a calm tone will help them calm down faster.

For More Tips for Difficult Oppositional Defiant Students.

NOTE: You can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the authors contact information below intact.

About the Author: James L West is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Licensed Mental Health Counselor and in practice since 1994 with a primary focus on child and adolescent issues. James is an author, professional speaker, school consultant, counselor and coach in Orlando Florida. He provides consultation to public and private schools across the state of Florida. His retreats are dynamic and with a purpose. Jim has clients come from all over Florida, Georgia, the Bahamas and England as 85% of his clients do not need medication. Jim uses FDA approved supplements and dietary changes along with therapeutic interventions, family education and support, social skills groups, leadership camps and more to assist families.Access more complimentary counseling and coaching resources from The Total Life Counseling Center (407.248.0030) by visiting their extensive posting of blogs and special reports designed to save you time by strategically solving problems at the below links:

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Media Body Image and Self-Esteem

Images of the female body are used to market everything! Toothpaste, shampoo, cola and sports cars! Beautiful women—and every body part—sell almost anything from potato chips to sport cars. Female celebrities and entertainers are becoming thinner, taller and younger.

Fashion magazines are saturated with articles suggesting that if a woman can simply loose weight or enhance their physical image they can have it all—a fairytale marriage, a gorgeous husband, loving children, fantastic sex, and a satisfying career.

These principles are aggressively forced on women in order to profit advertisers, marketers and popular brands.

Take the Media/Self Esteem Test!

-Do you compare yourself to female images in media (commercials, music videos, movies, etc)?
-Do you attempt to alter your personal image to mirror female entertainers, movie stars, etc?
-Do you use your appearance to enhance your self-esteem?
-Do you feel inferior in social situations?
-Do you have an intense need for recognition and approval?
-Do you have a need to be perfect?
-Do you have an inability to handle criticism?
-Are you overly critical of yourself or others?
-Do you constantly worry about the future?
-Are you unable to make decisions?
-Do you feel that no one loves you?
-Are you carrying extra baggage?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you may need to talk to a self-esteem or image enhancement coach.

Remember, we must find strength and courage within ourselves to embrace the reality of who we really are (mind, body and spirit). If we are insecure with our bodies, we are more likely to purchase beauty products, new clothes, and diet aids that we really do not need at all! We can easily become ensnared in the cycle of spending unnecessary money to feel better about ourselves. Research indicates that exposure to media driven beauty is linked to depression, loss of self-esteem and unhealthy self-concept. So, ladies, I want to encourage you to Be-You! Because you truly are Be-You-Tiful just the way you are!

NOTE: You can freely redistribute this resource, electronically or in print, provided you leave the authors contact information below intact.

About the author

Jada is the author of Be-You-Tiful and from 1999-2009 she had the pleasure of modeling worldwide with Ebony Fashion Fair. As the Commentator and Spokes Model for the world’s largest traveling fashion show, she developed a passion to guide others into meaningful and purposeful living, particularly in the areas of personal enrichment, emotion management, and image enhancement. She is also a life coach and image enhancement specialist. For more information on Jada visit her webpage at www.totallifecounseling.com/jada.htm.

You Wanna Hook Up? - The Long & Short Term Effects on Women

Why bother asking someone to dinner or to the movies when you can meet at a party, down a few drinks and go “hook up” for the night?

In my freshman year of college, I can remember going down the hall to the shared bathroom among the dorm rooms and seeing some of the girls hung-over around the sinks. I caught my roommate’s eye and asked her what happened last night with that guy she had met at the party? She said, “We had fun together with no strings attached if you know what I mean. It was great!” Since those days, very little has changed in the female world of sexual freedom, it has only evolved into what we now call “hooking up”.

“Hooking up” can include all of the bases, and the ambiguity is intentional. Modest types can imply that less happened than did, and braggarts can hint at hitting a home run. Hookups can be defined by alcohol, physical attraction and a lack of expectations in the morning.

“Hook-Up Mentality”

One of the legacies from the sexual revolution is the “hook-up mentality”. The assumption behind that mentality is that sex is just another recreational activity.

There are many reasons why hooking up has become the name of the game and old-fashioned dating virtually does not exist anymore. A big reason involves the changing social roles of women and the evolution of female sexual freedom.

These concepts can be baffling to parents and members of older generations who are used to a courtship culture, not a hookup culture. However, it can also be confusing for those active in hooking up. Hooking up often leaves participants confused about the status of their hook up relationships, leaving them in relationship limbo.

Watch Janie Lacy, Relationship Expert explain the "Hook Up Mentality" on the National Syndicated Daily Buzz Show.

Sex and the City

In spite of “hooking up”, people want to matter to their sex partner, or they want to matter to them.Even the girls on Sex and the City are figuring out that sex is more than a game. One character has become absorbed by taking care of her baby. She longs for a relationship with the baby’s father. Another character describes herself as “lonely, really lonely.” The hook-up mentality doesn’t allow people to face up to the deeply embedded fact that they want to matter to their partners.

Hook Up Effects

Hooking up behavior is dangerous. There are more than 24 different sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) today and 15 million new cases are reported each year. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention approximately 20 million people are currently infected with HPV. At least 50 percent of sexually active men and women acquire genital HPV infection at some point in their lives. By age 50, at least 80 percent of women will have acquired genital HPV infection. About 6.2 million Americans get a new genital HPV infection each year, the CDC also reports.

Hooking up happens, so what happens after hooking up? It isn't always as carefree as it seems.What happens is usually one of the two partners becomes attached, emotional needs are denied, there is a higher risk for depression, higher risk for sexual transmitted diseases, and challenges later on in life to maintain a healthy monogamous relationship.

If you are interested in seeking guidance on this or other issues or interested in booking a seminar on this or other topics please call 407-248-0030. For more information on this subject check out our website or these websites below.

http://www.americanvalues.org/Hooking_Up.pdf

http://www.cdc.gov/

http://www.sexualrecovery.com/resources/articles/consequences.php

About the Author: Janie Lacy is a Mental Health Counselor who has a passion to reach out and help people grow and mature through difficult life situations. Janie has invested in the lives of others through public speaking, leadership training, educational instruction and small group ministry. For more information on Janie visit her webpage at www.TotalLifeCounseling.com/janie.htm